so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
