you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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