he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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