My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
