Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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