pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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