halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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