I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
