I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
