I need help removing her.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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