dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
