Can i not drive my cunt home
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
