just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
