I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Vodka?
Forever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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