I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize