lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
