Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You're a waste of cheezeits
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
