just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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