Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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