my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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