Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
