I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
