He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
