So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
