if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
