Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
