he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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