Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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