During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
