Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
