If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
