How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
