Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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