He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
