Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
