I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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