I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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