Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
