it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
