Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
