Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
