At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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