chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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