i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
