i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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