I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
