He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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