I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
