So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
