I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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