The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
