i think my mom watched the whole time
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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