I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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