go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
