Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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