you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
