Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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