so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize