Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
