My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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