I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
