Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
