if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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