Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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