I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
