Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
