broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
