He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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