4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
