OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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