sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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