do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
