No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
