i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
