i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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