I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
