after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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