just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
