What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
