Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
