If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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