An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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