gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
