She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize