I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
